Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
