i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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