I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
