you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
