I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
