Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
