well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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