I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
