I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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