He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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