We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
