sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
