o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
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Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
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He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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