And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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