what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
