so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
