Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
