jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
