what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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