I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
