Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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