my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
