508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
