Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Dignity is for republicans.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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