I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
