is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
