The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
