i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
