Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
