she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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