Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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