Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Randomize
