jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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