Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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