Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
