the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
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