My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
