since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
