I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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