end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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