if you like me you must not know who I am
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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