also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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