I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
