remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i think i have herpe
just one?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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