I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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