Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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