If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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