just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
