i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
