i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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