God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Randomize
