i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
