Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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