i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
