thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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