At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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