She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
