I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
