So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
