yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
