I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Sext me about skeletons
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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