just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
sex in a hospital.. check
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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