Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
