i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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