Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
i believe in u and ur pee
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
