Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
It's official drugs can't kill me
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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