a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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