I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
