I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
