My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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