believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
