belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
