i can't believe i had my finger in that
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
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And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
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She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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