Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
