remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
